I wrote today! On my book, even. Huzzah!! I would like to say this means my super long-standing block is broken, but I know better. That old saying about counting one’s chickens before they hatch springs to mind …
There are a lot of things in my life that make working on the book difficult. Many of the physical set-backs (like all the stuff I am expected to get done within the span of a day) are easily overcome. Or ignored. Sometimes, if the writing is good, they get ignored. This is actually a fantastically exhilarating feeling: to write and write with giddy abandon, not even wanting to stop for food or sleep. This hasn’t happened for me in a long time, and I miss it.
Other things are not so easily overcome. These are the mental hurdles I’ve struggled with now for several years: depression and anxiety and fear and this feeling of malaise that manifests itself as a complete lack of faith in myself and my writing ability. I know I need to power through these things, but it is difficult. Yesterday, I had a good “powering through” day. I managed to get through all the new edits and bits I had written previously — time consuming work, but necessary in order to pick the story up after a long absence. Today, my “power through” didn’t work quite as well. I didn’t get as much written as I would have liked, but I made some progress. I’m putting that in the “win” column.
Right now, I’m writing a fight scene. This is probably the worst spot for me to try and reenter my story, because I hate writing fight scenes. There is so much mental choreography involved. I feel like I have to be aware of where every hand is and the placement of every foot and how each weapon moves through the air. It can be mentally exhausting. And I never feel like these types of scenes turn out properly. Ah well.
Maybe I should short-cut all of this by making my character a pacifist … OK. Not really. But it’s a fun thought.