Dear Parking Lot Hog,
Yes, I’m talking to you, person who pulled right into the space next to me, shoving your car grossly over the line separating our spaces until your car and mine were touching noses. Really now, are you in that much of a hurry? Are you incapable of seeing how badly you have parked? Or is it that you just don’t care about the fact that, due to your crappy parking, I will barely be able to exit the space I am occupying. If you are in such a hurry that you can’t be bothered to park properly, I would respectfully suggest you not sacrifice your precious time by going to the grocery store / ice cream shop / restaurant / clothing store which this parking lot serves. None of us would be offended if you decided to take your presence elsewhere in order to attend to the pressing business that, apparently, has you so flustered. If you genuinely can’t see and, thus, are unaware of the utter mess you’ve made of your parking attempt, you might want to think about taking public transportation in the future. I am not sure the road is safe with you on it. However, if — as I suspect — you just can’t be bothered to take the couple of seconds necessary to straighten out your car, it would behoove you to pull your head out of your butt and look around you. You are not the only person in the world. You aren’t even the only person in this parking lot. We’re all in this together, and life would be so much nicer if we all attempted to get along.
And you, gentle person who willy-nilly decided to straddle the parking space lines — thus taking up two spaces in an already-crowded lot — don’t think I have forgotten you. Perhaps it seems like a small thing, but your one thoughtless act has inconvenienced every person who comes into this lot behind you, until you finally decide to do all of us a favor by leaving. You have made each of their days a little bit the worse for wear. Congratulations. You must be very proud of your accomplishment.
As for you, person who MUST have my parking space, I am not sure if you realize this or not, but I need to exit the space before you can ram your oversized vehicle into it. I am no physics expert, but I am pretty sure two cars cannot, in fact, occupy the same space at the same time. I realize it is stressful and a bit frightening to find the entire parking level occupied. After all, if you have to circle the lot one more time or — even worse! — travel to another level to park, your head might explode. That would be unpleasant and messy for everyone. I am not unsympathetic, but you were the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back of my patience this morning. Once I had convinced you to move your car enough so that I could exit my parking space, I am ashamed to admit I drove away thinking pleasant thoughts of whopping you over the head with a two-by-four.
The thing is, I am not that person. Unlike all of you, I fully realize I am not the only human in existence in this world. I even realize I am not the most important person around — no matter how many times my mother might have told me otherwise. I managed to get through grade school and even middle and high school, so I learned, a long time ago, that we all have to share. I will not let you ruin my day, no matter how determined you seem to be to do just that.
And so, I shall take a deep breath and seek inner peace by thinking of things that bring me happiness.
Like a cute turtle with a cherry blossom on its head (and back):
With love and kindness,